In Yet Another Example of What I Call "Rob Luck", I will tell you what happened to me today at the St. Patrick's Day Festival here in Utica. To fully appreciate this most unfortunate and unlucky occurrence, you need a backstory, though.
A little while back, while over my house, my buddy Ho decided to go through my phone to see if I had any pictures of naked women; midgets doing handstands; baby seals clubbing people, or anything else that would entertain him while I made the snacks that he always demanded whenever he came over.
While Ho didn't find any naked women, he did find naked......me!! I was seeing a girl at the time, and she would always send me naked pictures of herself. I enjoyed these thoroughly. To return the favor, I took a picture of my elongated fallace one night and sent it to her. Immediately after I sent it I deleted the message from outbox. Having my cock be a permanent resident of my phone is not something I wanted, as besides the chance of someone finding it, I definitely didn't want to forward my cock's address with everyone- that shits a pain in the ass!
What Ho's gasp enlightened me to is that I had forgotten to delete the photo itself! After his traumatic stare down with The Hulk (my name for my little guy), he asked me if that was my dick? Not wanting to admit it, I said "No"....then, after realizing that having the picture of another guys dick in my phone would be even harder to explain and look even worse, I admitted that it was mine. I explained why it was in there and he just laughed it off. The fact that I first said "No" to his question made him think for a second, but he never said anything about it again.
Fast forward to today. I was out at the bar, trying to get my buzz on, when I realized that my phone was gone! I had only been to one place and hadn't even used the bathroom yet, so I knew my phone had to be in bar somewhere. I looked around for 15 minutes or so, eyes glued to the ground as I walked around trying to find it. Luckily, it was only 11:30 AM so the bar wasn't packed yet, which made my search much easier. Anyway, I had given up on finding it and was outside smoking a cigarette, cursing myself on how I could lose yet another cell phone. In the past when I lost my phone I was shit-housed, blackout drunk, but I was only two beers deep today. This mad me even more pissed at myself. Some random dude said something to me. I didn't hear what he said, but it sounded like "what's wrong (in actuality it was something else entirely)?" I told him that my phone was lost and he got a shocked look on his face. He then called his buddy over to us. After hearing my story, his buddy pulled my phone out of his pocket! I had left in on the bar when I got my last drink. I gave them my number and they called it in front of me to make sure it was mine. To reward them for their honesty, (after hanging out with them for awhile, I knew they were going to steal it- dirtbags, but whatever) I brought them inside and spent literally $50 buying them drinks. These guys were complete assholes, most of them- but this one dude, Chad, was cool.
Anyway, I get a text later that day from a number that didn't come up on my caller ID. I replied with "Who is this?" A few minutes later, I get a text back saying it's Chad. At first I wondered how the hell he had my number, but then realized that his buddy had my number in his phone from when he called it. So I replied back "The guy I met today" or something like that. I found out later that it wasn't Chad, but rather Ho! He was just fucking with me and said "Chad" cuz its the best white guy name he could come up with. While this in itself wouldn't seem all that funny, unlucky or weird, it looks very suspicious when you take the "dick pick" episode into consideration. I told him, innocently, and unknowingly, that I had met a guy at a bar that day and obviously had given him my number. The awkward exchange we had via text is normal for a first conversation with someone you just met who you have sexual interest in. I guarantee that he instantly thought of that picture, and wondered both who's dick that really was, and how I had kept the fact that I was gay from him all these years.
Now I am not gay, although since I haven't gotten laid in forever, I'm not really straight either. Still, while there is nothing wrong with being gay morally, and I don't think less of anyone who chooses that lifestyle, I wasn't born like that- Ho doesn't, either. Still, I owe my friend an explanation on this bazaar string of circumstances that has portrayed me as a flaming homo.
As you see, Rob luck is very unique. Bad luck doesn't describe it- everyone says they have bad luck, which is complete bullshit. Rob luck is just a very unfortunate occurrence that results from a very bazaar or one-in-a-billion circumstance. For another blog about "Rob luck", check out THIS COULD ONLY HAPPEN TO ME.
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