My Guiding Light Has Been Stolen

It's been 3 months, and it’s still rough. It doesn't help things that its summer, which is when I always used to hang out with him. Every time I see a baseball game on TV, go to Old Forge, or even go outside I think of him. This latter fact explains why I never go outside and stay caged up in my bedroom all day. I am hoping finally discussing Dave and what he meant to me will help the healing process. I have become a prisoner in my own life. I never go out, never see my friends, and never talk to anyone. All I do all day, every day, is sit in front of the computer, play around on facebook, check my fantasy baseball teams, look at a few other sites and play online poker. I am completely useless to this world. I have so much potential to do great things, yet just sit in my room, wasting away. I feel like I'm just killing time until the reaper comes. Depression isn't the word for it...it's more like I'm traumatized, scared, shell-shocked, dumbfounded, shocked, angry, and hopeless, among other things. My innocence is lost. That naive, ignorant belief "It can never happen to me" has been shattered forever. I was a nervous, hypochondriac, cynical pessimist before March 28th...now all these feelings have been multiplied by 100, and they don't come and go either; I constantly feel them. I used to just be a timeshare for them, a place they went to a few times a year to raise Hell. Now, my body is like a frat house for all these ill feelings. They terrorize and harass me daily. This disaster, and all the questions left unanswered, has completely stripped me of my will to do anything. I am honestly perfectly fine with living with my parents, not working, not dating, seeing my friends, or doing anything fun for the rest of my life. I want to move on, but I can't. Not yet.