Another Actual Conversation I had!

Sticking with the "this guy is fucking twisted" persona, I have decided to share another actual conversation I had just a few hours ago. This one was with my friend at a local bar...lets call her "Garden State". We were talking about how we drink too much. I brought up the idea that we should both sign up for organ donations now, being that the waiting list for a liver is like 20 years. By the time ours give out, we will be first on the list. GS (Garden State) said that in 20 years they will probably have organs to buy at wal mart. I can totally see this happening, I mean they sell everything else. I can just picture a wal-mart employee telling a customer, with a straight face "Yes sir, the kidneys can be found in aisle 14, right next to the Pampers. If you hit the potato chips, you went too far." Then we just got totally out of hand. Talking about how people would need not even keep their receipts for a liver cuz if it doesnt work, they would be dead and wouldnt be able to get the refund anyway. I can just picture someone going through a checkout lane with Suave shampoo, a hunting knife, a new comforter, a 16 pound turkey....and a large intestine. When the cashier scans the intestine past that scanner thing, I can just see the customer shouting out "No, wait, I have a coupon for that!". GS added that they should have buy one kidney, get one free specials. Have "buy a liver, get 3 free cases of beer specials" or "buy a lung, get 3 cartons of cigarettes". You know, just to break in your new organs, make sure they can handle your rock star lifestyle. Of course, those greeters at the door will have to search everyone's receipt, to make sure they came in with that liver!

This is a great idea, but I do have a few questions. Like where the hell would they put the bar code? Is it possible to do a price check on a colon? Would Type O Negative organs be more expensive, as they are Universal and very rare? If a gift to someone, is it more appropriate to put a pancreas in a box and wrap it, or in one of those gift bag thingys? What would the expiration date be? I mean, I would think a bladder would go bad after a few weeks, especially if not refrigerated. I dont think they should sell brains though...cuz that's just wrong!!! I worked very hard to be this demented and when I die in 5 years, I don't want anyone with a thick pocket book to inherit my unique outlook on life without first having to trip on acid a few hundred times and drinking a gallon of SoCo a week for 10 years. Im one of a kind damnit, and wanna keep it that way.
 

One last thing we thought of. This organ market will add a whole new level to the pawn shop industry. Instead of old radios and Nintendo games, people will start bringing in their grandmothers spinal cord, or their uncle Morty's left ventricle, hoping to get some gas money. Imagine trading an old bicycle you had in your garage and getting 3 arteries in return! not a bad deal, you could save a life with that! OK, thats it for now, special thanks to the Garden State for making this random conversation possible! 

You thought that was random?  Check out these rants about Wally World

 A GOOD, OLD-FASHIONED RANT- Self-explanatory

WAL-MART and DEATH- Another rant

AS IF THERE WASN'T ALREADY ENOUGH TO DO- List of things to do there if bored that will piss people off.