This is how warped the minds of my friends and myself are. It seems almost every day, I have a really disturbing, yet hilarious, conversation with one of my buddies. I decided to share this one, as it is truly one of the best ever. I'll get right into it:
OK, me and my buddy were texting each other this afternoon. It started out innocent texting about if we were gonna go see Saw III or not today, then it went to talking about seeing it Saturday, then we started rippin on the extracurricular activities of our siblings (degenerate gambler vs. a pothead). I called him a wannabe rapper cuz he made up the word phulease, he called me fat....then all hell broke loose. We basically took bragging about our manhood to a whole new level. And yes, we are both single, and we are both looking, so ladies....better make a move before its too late. I will refer to my friend as Buttercup, his alter ego in our gang, and he is a cutie. Guaranteed to give you the night of your life! He said its ok to use his real name. I would think so...when your hung like a walrus you definately want people to know who you are, especially my hot female readers! So...Mitchell Gerard Beauchamp, this one's for you!!
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Me: (after buttercup uses the term phulease).Are you some kind of rapper, making up your own lyrics. Watch out for MC Buttaz. He’s bad ass, straight out the mean streets of deerfield!
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Buttercup: Hey at least I dont have a big belly! I was blessed with a titanic sized cock instead! So put that in your pipe and smoke it
Buttercup: Hey at least I dont have a big belly! I was blessed with a titanic sized cock instead! So put that in your pipe and smoke it
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Me: Ill be laughing in a few weeks when my belly is keeping me warm and your shivering your tiny ass off. and you would be surprised. My cock can hold its own...I beat off so much I have made it longer by pulling on it so much. And I am Polish and Indian too (Indians and Pollocks traditionally have the biggest donkeys for those of you keeping score at home)
Me: Ill be laughing in a few weeks when my belly is keeping me warm and your shivering your tiny ass off. and you would be surprised. My cock can hold its own...I beat off so much I have made it longer by pulling on it so much. And I am Polish and Indian too (Indians and Pollocks traditionally have the biggest donkeys for those of you keeping score at home)
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Buttercup: My pecker is my warmer! I do this thing when I yank on it really fast and it gets me sweating sometimes its so hot!
Buttercup: My pecker is my warmer! I do this thing when I yank on it really fast and it gets me sweating sometimes its so hot!
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Me: Lol. can you start a fire if you whack it hard enough... I can!
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Buttercup: Dude I burn a whole city up
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Me: I started the great Chicago fires that caused billions in damage... I was masturbating next to a heat lamp
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Buttercup: I start forest fires with mine! Just dont tell Smokey the Bear
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Me: Lol. I killed Kennedy. I hit him in the back of the head with my nut, blew his brains clean out of his skull. I pinched my head right before I blew and watched the carnage. To this day everyone still thinks it was Oswald
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Buttercup: I was the one that shot the apple off Washington’s head! They said it was an arrow! They were right.... a cum arrow
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Me: LMAO! It wasnt an iceberg that sank the titanic...I just shot my load against the hull. Next thing I know the fucking ship is sinking!
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Me: Bobby Thompson didnt hit the shot heard round the world...I did...when I shot my load in his wife's face
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Me: My sperm is used to make nuclear weapons
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Buttercup: Ever hear of the atom bomb that hit japan? U got it pal my cock was the atom and and my cum was the bomb!
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Buttercup: Beat you to that!
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Me: lol, you should start calling your nuts hiroshima and Nagasaki
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Buttercup: My cock is the only thing in this world chuck norris is afraid of!
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Me: lol. beat me to that too. My cock is used by firemen to put out the forest fires you start!
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Me: My cock is the only thing in this world that can scratch a diamond
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Me: When Mark McGwire hit 70 home runs in 1998, he used my cock as a bat!
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Buttercup: Hahahahahahah!!!! I cant breathe!!
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Me: The uprights on a football field were originally two of my ancestors cocks standing straight up. They had to change to the present day metal uprights after the games started being televised!
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Buttercup: The only reason tiger woods is so good at putting is cuz he uses my cock!
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Me: Lol. cause you never miss the money shot!
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Buttercup: Thats right!
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Me: Minnesota Fats used my cock as a pool stick. He never lost a match. Cuz my cock always hits the hole!
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Anyway, we could have went all afternoon...but he was working, and I didnt have any phone memory left. I wanted to put these in my blog before some of the messages started getting erased. We might start a website about this. Similar to the chuck norris website. The "my cock is" website. Become famous, get on leno, the whole deal. I see it now. If anyone can top our list I dare you. There is a candy bar in it for you. Snickers of course...cuz, much like our cocks....it REALLY SATISFIES!! We are pretty twisted...but, I think I speak for both of us when I say we are willing to put our money where our mouth is! OK, hope you enjoyed it as much as we had texting it. Comment with better ones, if you dare!
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| Yup...I'm damn proud of my cock! |
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