Growing up, teachers, parents, the Government, and society as a whole would always pound into your head that drugs are bad. Doing drugs, they would say, would rot your brain and you would never make anything of yourself. After growing up, I realize that all these people are full of shit. Doing drugs have been one of the smartest things I have ever done in my life. Besides meeting countless friends who I would have never met otherwise, I have had more good times than I can possibly count (or remember) while high off something. Many of these drug-induced adventures and thoughts are the inspiration behind much of my writing.You just can’t think of some things sober! Just ask Quentin Tarantino, Stephen King, Stanley Kubrick and countless other people. You think Pulp Fiction was done by a sober man? I think not. Your brain works in different ways when you are under the influence. You are much more creative because you think outside the box more. If it wasn’t for drugs, much of the world’s great literature, movies and Television would not have been written.
Besides aiding creatively, drugs are the main, and, in some cases, only reason many people know measurement units. It is only because I have been buying, smoking, and selling weed for the last 15 years that I know that there are 28 grams in an oz, and 16 oz in a pound. Where else would I learn that? Home-Ec class? Please, if you don’t know how much you are supposed to be getting you will get ripped off.
I will say, though, that despite the fact that I know the different units, it is extremely hard to measure out the right amount product when I am cooking. I can’t figure out how to properly fill those little baggies. I know that they fit 1 gram cuz I’ve been buying dime bags of weed in them for 10 years, but I never had to try and stuff broccoli or cheddar cheese in them before. The cheese always gets stuck against the side of the bag when I try to pour it out, and the broccoli won’t fit in the baggy at all. I have to put it into my weed grinder and grind it up first.
Those are just minor problems compared to when larger amounts are required for a recipe. I was making a cake the other day that required a pound of butter. Not only did I have to pour out an entire lb of weed onto the floor so I could use the bag, but I found that butter is very hard to pour. I had to prop the bottom of the bag up against my thigh so I could attempt to pour the butter into the batter. That fucker was heavy, too! I spilled half of it on my kitchen counter. The butter that I did get in the bowl was caked with shake. My kitchen smelled like a Cypress Hill Concert, and that was before I put it in the oven. By the time it was done, I was more baked than the cake was from the fumes. I got the munchies and ended up eating it all, which sucked cuz it was supposed to be for Christmas dinner. I had cleaned the kitchen out of everything to bake with so my mom had to scramble around and find a replacement desert…at 10:30 Christmas Eve Night. She ended up having to sneak a bunch of those little sponge cakes out of an all-night Chinese Buffet, and then stack them on top of one another and put frosting all on the top. It looked really ghetto. My mom was pissed. I don’t think she will let me bake again for a long time.
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| I can measure liquid ingredients, too |
Those are just minor problems compared to when larger amounts are required for a recipe. I was making a cake the other day that required a pound of butter. Not only did I have to pour out an entire lb of weed onto the floor so I could use the bag, but I found that butter is very hard to pour. I had to prop the bottom of the bag up against my thigh so I could attempt to pour the butter into the batter. That fucker was heavy, too! I spilled half of it on my kitchen counter. The butter that I did get in the bowl was caked with shake. My kitchen smelled like a Cypress Hill Concert, and that was before I put it in the oven. By the time it was done, I was more baked than the cake was from the fumes. I got the munchies and ended up eating it all, which sucked cuz it was supposed to be for Christmas dinner. I had cleaned the kitchen out of everything to bake with so my mom had to scramble around and find a replacement desert…at 10:30 Christmas Eve Night. She ended up having to sneak a bunch of those little sponge cakes out of an all-night Chinese Buffet, and then stack them on top of one another and put frosting all on the top. It looked really ghetto. My mom was pissed. I don’t think she will let me bake again for a long time.
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