Martha Washington

Martha is, hands down, the coolest cat around. Take one part Fonzie, one part Van Wilder, and add a dash of Joe Camel and you have my honkey that’s sittin at the top spot on my Friends’ List.I met him in 1998. Worked for the Mouse (that’s Mickey for those of you keeping track at home) together. Ever think you have a soulmate? Well, he is mine. Only thing is we’re not gay, but we are BF FO- mutha fuckin -EVER! I am his Silent Bob, he is my Jay. He has been missing for two years, just vanished out of my life…until he randomly appeared in my friends’ request one day. He is actually giving me a Shoutout on his picture.

I call him Martha because we used to be roomies, and every day I would get home from work and he would have a blunt rolled for me, just like Martha Washington used to do for George (Dazed and Confused reference). I would die for that kid! Anyway, I’ve smoked more pot, drank more So Co and Honey Brown and did more ya yo with this kid over the years than I would like to admit. He lives in DC, but his parents live in Hudson. SO many times he got me out of a tight spot. Many times were extremely coincidental, like he was not even supposed to be around but he miraculously showed up. Fucking spiritual shit. he is one of the few people in this world that make me smile just when I think about them. OK, this message is beginning to sound really gay. But seriously, this cat is TITS. If he comes to Utica this summer (if I’m still here- God I hope not), we are gonna own this piece just like we did Orlando. I expect all you mamma jammas to come out and meet him, if he decides to grace you with his presence.

My little Martha Washington, center, getting ready for my return from work.