Comparing the 2 most beloved people in your community
First, enjoy a quick slideshow of some funny signs found in bars/churches from around the world!
and now….our Feature Presentation!
PRIESTS Vs. BARTENDERS **These professions, despite appearing to be polar opposites, have very similar job descriptions.
Churches & bars are both popular meeting spots for large groups before an excursion.
Churches & bars are both found in every city, town, village and neighborhood in America - most of the time they stand within a few blocks of one another.
When people get married, the ceremony is often in a Church- while the reception is often-times at a bar.
Bartenders and Priests are both Masters of a very specific & beloved trade.
The Local Priest/Bartender not only know everyone in town by name, but they also know their professions, addresses and the names of their entire family.
People always confide in Clergy and bartenders things that they not dare tell anyone else, including their family.
Members of both these noble professions are very good at listening to others & always have great advice.
Both Priests and ‘keeps preach to their patrons about the evil’s of this world.
The expertise & skill these men possess is often requested at many celebrated events, where they get to play a major role in some of the most memorable occasions of a person's life.
Priests talk about things such as: The Three Wise men, Virgin Mary, Holy Water, Holy Grail, Adam & Eve,The Devil's Messenger and Bishops.
Bartenders serve drinks such as: The Three Wise men; Virgin Mary; Holy Water; Holy Grail; Adam & Eve; The Devil's Messenger & Bishops.
Both Priests & ‘keeps also occasionally serve wine to their patrons.
Priests are assisted at their job by alter boys; ‘keeps are assisted at their job by waitresses.
Priests get to work at 8 AM; ‘Keeps get to work at 8 PM.
A Priest’s place of work is crowded Sunday morning, while a ‘keeps is very busy Saturday night.
A Priest Takes Confessions; A ‘Keep sells concessions.
Priests live off donations; keeps live off tips.
Priests frequently offer their services at Christenings-where they bless the newborn & prepare them for life by completely immersing their body in Holy Water as friends & family look on.
Although the celebrated individual won't remember anything from this occasion, the pictures taken by loved ones- which show him/her naked, crying & drooling all over themselves, become a source of embarrassment for life.
Bartenders frequently offer their services at Bachelor(-ette) parties- where they bless the newly engaged & prepare them for married life by completely immersing their liver in Fire Water as friends & family look on. Although the celebrated individual won't remember anything from this occasion, the pictures taken by loved ones- which show him/her naked, crying & drooling all over themselves, become a source of embarrassment for life.
People have been known to fall asleep in Church; People have been known to pass out in a bar.
Piss of a Priest and they can ruin your after-life; Piss off a bartender and they can ruin your social life.
Those who donate the most at Church will be saved at the Pearly Gates & let in when it’s “their time” by St. Peter; Those who donate the most at the bar will be saved from a wait & let in next time by Peter- the Bouncer.
When people are dealing with a major crisis in their life, they often spend the majority of their time either in a Church or a bar.
Some go to Church because they feel bad about going to the bar- others go to the bar because they feel bad about not going to Church.
People have been known to fall asleep in Church, just as others have been guilty of passing out in a bar.
People sometimes leave Church and head right to the bar, while others leave the Bar and go right to Church.
After leaving Church, many people go home and pray to God; After leaving the bar, many people go home and pray to the Porcelain God.
A Priest is called “Father” by all of God's Children; a ‘keep is called “Father” by all of his children.
When people have a major crisis in their life, they often spend a lot of time in Church; they often spend even more time at the bar.
Both professions are dominated by middle-aged men, who were once- or are still, alcoholics.
Some of these Priests stay at the chapel & drink after they're done serving God, & praying, too. This person ignores pleas by the needy & less fortunate neighbors, who request his help fixing up their lives. Rather, he grabs his drink & walks away- having chosen intoxication over Salvation. Opting to not take advantage of the guiding light which the Lord has provided for him, he treks blindly into the darkness- not aware of how far he has fallen from grace. Drink in hand, he slumps down on a stool; puts his feet up on a banister & proceeds to sip his drink in silence & solitude until sun-down. He doesn't respond to any calls of his name by associates, who all yearn to help him. The only time he raises his eyes from his drink is to occasionally stare at the stained-glass windows next to him. Despite their best efforts, the other employees of the manger eventually give up and go home- Many often leave angry or frustrated that no help was accepted despite repeated requests. This person presses on, in spite- refusing to admit what's really going on. They ignore all warning signs & are unable to read between the lines. When approached forthright, they disavow- They just don't see the err of his ways. Others just hope that one day, he will notice the light; get enriched &t stop being a jerk-off. Right now, this troubled man doesn't care that he let everyone down. He just goes home; passes out & dreams about what Heaven must be like.
Some of the bartenders stay at the bar & drink after they're done serving drinks & praying for 2. This person ignores pleas by the needy & less fortunate co-workers, who request his help fixing up the bar. Rather, he grabs his drink & walks away- having chosen Intoxication over Vocation. Opting to not take advantage of the dining light which the Landlord has provided for him, he treks blindly into the darkness- not aware of how far he can fall, Esp. with no brace! Drink in hand, he slumps down on a stool; puts his feet up on the banister & proceeds to sip his drink in silence & solitude until sun-up. He doesn't respond to any calls of his name by associates, who all yearn for him to help. The only time he raises his eyes from his drink is to occasionally stare at the stains on the glass windows next to him. Despite their best efforts, the other employees of the manager give up and go home- Many often leave angry & frustrated that he offered no help despite repeated requests. He turns on The bright neon signs when alone. Though not white, they do allow him to see the stairs on his way out, The others just hope that day he will notice the light switch- then turn it off. Right now, the troubled man doesn't care that he let everyone down; he just goes home, passes out & dreams about what Heaven must be like.
A Priest often uses the terms "Holy Bible", "Our God", "Heaven & Hell", "Virgin Mother", "Jesus died for our sins" & "Immaculate Conception".
A ‘keep often uses the terms “Holy Shit!”, “Oh, God!”, “Go to Hell Hell!'”, “Motherfucker!”, “Jesus, I’d die to be with twins” and “Are you gonna make me wear contraception?”
Bartenders have often been accused of serving minors, Priests have often been accused of…..
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