The Current State of Affairs

Why should Mike Sorrentino be the only one who gets to be referred to as an event in a date book?  Why don't others start referring to themselves as random activities?  I could dig that, I mean there are so many options for people to use- good ones, too.  Much better than "The Situation"!  That name isn't even interesting.  What Situation? 

A situation is a word people use as a lead in when about to explain a dramatic or depressing situation, like "Here's the situation-  Gary and his wife are getting a divorce because last week he caught her getting gang-banged by Team Morrocco at the Special Olympics" or "Here's the Situation- Parker is no longer with the company because Mrs. Trayllor-Hooker caught him using company stationery to play strip Hangman with the Guatemalan Janitor after hours."  Very rarely do people start off good news with that word.  You never here your buddy say "Here's the situation- Jessica Alba showed up at my door last night wearing nothing but a half-buttoned white dress shirt and holding a bottle of Anal Lube.  In exchange for fixing a flat tire she let me have my way sexually with her for 18 hours."  Most good news starts with the phrase "Holy Shit, wait till you hear this!", "You may wanna be sitting down", or some incoherent high-pitched noises because the person can't stay calm.  Why's The Situation gotta always be bringin' us down, man.  He should chill out, save that drama for Obama and the crisis in Egypt.

Because of Sorrentino and the other residents of Gonnorrhea (This is my name for where they live- like Narnia, kind of, but the animals have drivers' licenses...and STD's) I have decided to post a blog with other names like The Situation that people can start calling their friends.  I'm actually surprised it hasn't happened yet, as Jersey Shore is a huge hit.  Fans always copy shit from their favorite celebrities, as they wanna be just like them.  Even big stars do it.  For evidence of this look no further than Nicolas Cage.  

Cage has always been infaturated with Elvis.  He has been to Graceland numerous times; he owns every Elvis record, as well as a shit-ton of King souvenirs and other memorabilia. Also, one of Cage's first leading roles was in the movie Honeymoon in Vegas- a film in which he spent a good portion of the movie dressed like his hero.  Cage even wears his hair a lot like Elvis.  While many fans do stuff like this when it comes to their idol, Cage took his infatuation to an entirely new, uncharted area.  Cage did something so unbelievable and insane that no one would believe it if it weren't documented.  Nicolas Cippola Cage loved Elvis Presley so much that he  married Presley's daughter.  He probably did this to have bragging rights over the thousands of other Elvis fans. 

Cage wasn't satisfied with commemorative sets of Elvis Glasses, festive white jumpsuits and signed LP's, Cage said "Fuck that shit, that's what 8-yr old boys do with their favorite athlete.  I'm rich and famous, I want cooler shit."  I must agree with him, though- seeking out his hero's daughter, befriending her, then bringing her back to his mansion to shag her filthy rotten, while thousands of faces of her father peered down at them from all the various memorabilia Cage no doubt had all over his house is very impressive.  Its actually disturbing in a way.  Imagine getting boned (or boning, if you're a dude) while your parents looked on.  Imagine if you accidentally got some ejaculate on their face.  Orgasming all over your father's face might scar a person.   She apparently liked it, though as they got married.   That 's crazy shit.  That would be like Jay-Z fucking Hal Steinbrenner in the Yankee Dugout or the Phillie Phanatic blowing Ryan Howard on the Pitcher's Mound during the 7th inning stretch of the World Series.  If Cage wasn't famous and did that kind of shit to living people, he would be in the midst of a 20-year sentence right now.

Jersey Shore has made its mark on pop culture in other ways, though- The Situation's daily routine- Gym-Tanning-Laundry, which he refers to as "GTL" has become the newest craze.  Everyone knows about "GTL"; it has become even more used than "GTA" (Grand Theft Auto-another popular pop culture acronym).  You cant go an hour on TV without hearing or reading something about Snookie, J-Wow, Paully D and all the rest of the gang.  Popular TV shows/movies/songs frequently start fads or bring new words into pop culture.  "The Rachel" haircut from Friends, the Beatles haircuts of the 1960's and that brief period in the late 1980's where kids shaved lines in the side of their head because that was how Vanilla Ice wore his hair  are just a few examples.  

Sorrentino's nickname has the potential to start another fad in society.  All we need to do is take the ball and run with it!  This fad is sure to spread like wild-fire, as, seriously- who wouldn't want to be called "The F-Bomb!"  Being that I have a shitload of spare time, I have come up with other cool names, all inspired that Italian Stallion with the dark complexion, the toned abs and the very clean laundry!  Ladies and gentlemen- I give you

The Spawns of Sorrentino

1. The Scenario
2. The F-Bomb
3. The Board of Directors
4. The Current State of Affairs
5. The Split-Squad Doubleheader
6. The Scrimmage
7. The Triple-Bypass
8. The Presidential Election
9. The Iron Q-Tip
10. The STD Test
11. The Final Exam
12. The Pop Quiz
13. The Open Bar
14. The Breast Augmentation
15. The Lottery
16. The Car Wash
17. The Garden Hose
18. The Clearance Sale
19. The Rehearsal Dinner
20. The Prostate Exam
21. The Lame Joke
22. The Dirty South
23. The P-Funk
24. The Train Wreck
25. The Present Time
26. The Grocery List
27. The Lecture Hall
28. The Happy Ending
29. The Special Olympics
30. The Gift Shop
31. The Fantasy Draft
32. The Porcelain God
33. The Rectal Prolapse
34. The Raging Thundercunt
35. The History Lesson
36. The Mid-Life Crisis
37. The ATM Fee
38. The Grocery List
39. The Natural Disaster
40. The Rock Video
41. The Main Event
42. The "Whole Effin" Show
43. The Cross-Country Trip
44. The Smoke Break
45. The Bathroom Break
46. The Accident
47. The Shortcut
48. The Porn Rental
49. The Trivial Event
50. The Miscommunication
51. The Guilty Plea
52. The Adjournment
53. The Trial by Jury
54. The Brain Freeze
55. The Full Stomach
56. The Spelling Error
57. The Wet Dream
58. The Bad Dream
59. The Factory Defect
60. The Elephant in the Room
61. The Rosetta Stone
62. The Failing Grade
63. The Sick Day
64. The Christmas List
65. The Shart
66. The Broken Record
67. The State of the Union
68. The Restraining Order
69. The Solution 
70. The Problem
71. The Permanent
72. The Pube Shave

Many, many more to come.  List some of your own!