The Setup:
As some of my readers know, I am a complete Fantasy Football Nut. I live for it. Every year I have 3-4 teams, and thats pretty much all I do all winter. I take it incredibly too far too, as I make spreadsheets for all my teams where I type their stats in and analyze the shit out of them (btw this never works, as I always start wrong guys anyway). Anyway, one of my leagues this year is by far the worst I have ever been a part of. It should actually be called "Shady Fantasy". Keeping it brief, here are major issues I had this year:
I made a trade with 1 dude in which I gave him 1 more player than he gave me. In these cases, the GM who got an extra player needs to drop a player b4 trade allowed to go through so they dont go over roster limit. Guy I traded with drops very decent player, which Im sure he didnt wanna do but he needed to. The extra player he got in our trade was my kicker. I traded him my kicker for one of his 2 kickers.
Now, I saw this- and the other dude is a friend of mine. I texted him to say that, if he wanted, I would contact Commissioner of League and have him veto the trade AFTER it was already complete. When this was done I would rework the trade so he was NOT getting an extra player (I would take my K off-no one should ever trade for a K anyway but I was also getting 2 other players in deal and I had a shitty kicker). After I reworked deal, I would re-offer the trade and he would accept it without having to drop a player. I would still be happy as I would still be getting my players, and he would be very happy because it would be like he was getting an extra player in deal (one he would have had dropped).
Well, I contact Commissioner, have him veto trade- then rework deal and re-send it. Next day, I get an email from the league saying he DENIED the trade. I do him a huge favor and basically take 3 players- 2 of which I really wanted, off my roster to give back to him so I can save him from making an unwanted drop....and he SCREWS ME! I texted him immediately, and he acted like it was no big deal- saying the value of the players I wanted had went up or something. Biggest bush league move in history of FFB. Now on to my main issue, the one that brought on the letter you will soon read.
I have had maybe 3 trades vetoed EVER in FFB before this year. The reason is there are few valid reasons for another owner vetoing a trade. Coersion and post-trade injury are pretty much only reasons. This season, in this league alone I had 4 trades vetoed. Besides the 1 above, there were 3 more. Now 1 was extremely lopsided- I was ripping guy off bad, so I guess that one might be acceptable. The other 2 weren't. The first 1 was completely fair, but was shot down. I kept my cool and didnt voice my disgust with league. That was around week 8. Season was still young. My team was absolutely RAVAGED with injuries like no team I have ever had before, so I was wheeling and dealing anyone I could to get healthy bodies.
The Cause:
Fast forward to week 10- Trading Deadline in a few days. I needed QB and my buddy in league had 3 serviceable ones. 1 of them had great remaining schedule, so I worked out a deal to get him. I was ripping him off a little bit, but it was, at the time, completely fair (one of players I would have gotten has blown up since). I really needed this trade to go through because I was fighting 2 other guys for last playoff spot. Anyway, I offer trade, my buddy accepts it. Now we just have to wait until its processed. I never thought it would be vetoed. Christ, in most leagues Ive been in, no one cares who trades who. Its mostly for fun anyway.
2 days later- Saturday- 1 day before the games I get notice that...the trade was vetoed. This completely blindsided me, and fucked me. I couldnt hold back any longer. 4 trades getting vetoed in 1 league in 1 season for same team has gotta be a record. So....I completely went off on my league message board, calling out the nameless people who vetoed the deal (takes 4 ppl to veto trade). I made these guys look like such pussies, doing anything I could to bait them out and defend their manhood. How bad was the letter? Read it-
The Effect:
_________________________________________________________________________
Date: November 15, 2010
Okay- this is long. Before commencing, put your reading glasses on, turn off the TV and, most importantly, buckle your safety belt! This post pulls no punches- its very angry, very sarcastic, somewhat disturbing, extremely hilarious and, most of all, More raw than Sushi. Just a warning... I apologize to Mike, as he didn't veto the trade- which means there are 4 owners who did veto it- yet refuse to admit it. We have names for people like that- who do something shady, then don't man up about it because they're too scared. They instead hide behind the most secure thing or person they can find (in this case, a computer) for protection.
People like this- like you, are the same little pricks who go to the bar with their 3 Linebacker buddies and instigate fights with random guys because you like to pretend that you actually are a man and not a pussy. You know that if the guy takes the bait and says something back to you, your friends will beat his ass without you having to lift a finger. In the rare cases your friends aren't right behind you and one of these guys does start talking tough in response to your verbal abuse, you instantly turn into a frightened, paranoid little bitch- much like a 6 year-old boy after watching Nightmare on Elm Street for the first time. Your adversaries words cause you to start shaking; lose control of your
bowels and finally cry for your mommy. When you do spot your buddies, you run over to them and tell them how the guy was picking on you. They, being dumb meatheads, believe you and proceed to pummell him. After you wipe the tears from your eyes and the dangling snot from your nose, you run and hide at the bar- away from the action, for the
duration of the fight. After all, you don't wanna get blood on your pretty new Sweater that
your 8-year old Cambodian boy/love slave knitted for you.
Not wanting to look like the pussy you actually are, I'm sure you always put on some cool guy act for any hot girl who happens to be standing next to you, in which you inform her that you're the star of a New Reality Show called-
"30-something Year-Old, Friendless, Jobless, Clueless Virgins who Didn't Stop Breast-Feeding Until Age 15 and Love Soccer, Crocheting Scarfs, Playing Twister with their Brothers, Listening to Melissa Etheridge, Managing the Official Fan Club for Jared from Subway... and Beating Off to John Tesh's Voice".- (It's long, I know- but tell them it's just a working title).
Okay, back to my point...
Whoever vetoed the trade- you obviously had no valid reason so my guess is you either vetoed our trade because:
1- Your in the playoff hunt, and, instead of doing what successful FFB GM's are supposed to do, which include:
*researching players' stats and trends; studying upcoming team schedules; viewing other team's rosters to determine their needs for trade possibilities; cruising waiver wire regularly...as well as all the other shit that takes a ton of time, you decide to just play Defense- stopping other owners (who actually do put a lot of time in on their team) from making any moves, thinking that its a good strategic move, when- in actuality, its just being lazy and worthless- I'm sure both are very familiar to you).
2-You don't like one of us (even though neither of us know you)
3- Your one of those super-cool, ultra-hip, Super Fresh, everybody's loves you, Zack Morris types who does whatever they want because you know people won't get mad at them- they will know that all your shenanigans are just your way of having some fun- kinda like"It's just Manny bein' Manny", but instead its "just douchebag bein' douchebag"
or, lastly...
4-Your one of those even cooler people who veto trades just for the hell of it; you just want to stir the pot and get off on pissing people you don't know off by being a dick for no reason and with no provocation.
Well, let me tell you Zack Morris- this isn't 1993 and my name is Richard "The Big Bopper" Belding- you can't pull shit like that and not expect people to get pissed. If this was a "just for fun" league, that move might be acceptable- but it's not. There's money on the line here! A significant amount of money- enough for 5 or 6 nights with your mother!
I'm on the bubble of making playoffs and I was trying to make a move to increase my chances of making said playoffs- so I could contend for that money. Now, because of the cowardly, pussy move by you 4 individuals- I couldn't make that move. The trade deadline has come and gone so I can't make any more moves, either. In fact, the only move I can make is the moving your dead, rotting carcusses from the parking lot into the woods after I beat you all to death with Zack Morris's cell phone and Jesse Spano's enormous FUPA .
Unfortunately- age, drugs, alcohol, accidents, drugs, laziness, a criminal record, sore muscles, sore joints, smoke joints, stiff neck, bad back, hundreds of $1 shot nights at the Varick and a shitload of drugs has taken quite a toll on my body- so I am unable to actually beat you all downe- but, I will do what I do best- call all of you out as being four of the biggest rectal prolapses I've ever had the misfortune of associating with. You know what a rectal prolapse is, cock-knockers? Google it- it's fucking disgusting- just like your actions.
I have a list of favorite insults, which I like to use on special occasions for those who deserve them most- I don't bust them out often, because I want them to mean more. . Never have I felt the need to use all of them in one paragraph. So, Congrats guys- this is a first- Hopefully this makes sense.
You four cock-sucking ass clowns can take those fucia-colored douchebags that you keep all your fuck-sticks in, and promptly shove them up your meat-socks! This will hopefully set off a case of milkshake-textured grundle sweat, and, eventually-severe crotch-rot that will lead to an infection of your raging thunder cunt. With any luck, this infection
will fatally ravage that pirate-hooker tested, needle dick of yours, and deform it so badly that afterwards it will look like Castro's chewed-up Cigar nub, smell like Courney Love's Yeast Infection and feel like it was set on fire and put out with a chain.
-There, that expresses my true feelings for you- You PUSSIES!
**Now, you didn't win anything material with this first of mine. Rather, you all won something much more valuable- knowledge! You now possess the knowledge that you are fucking pussies- with cowardly hearts, no class and absolutely no morality or gamesmanship. So- in the words of Carl Spackler- "at least you got that goin' for you- which is nice."
In short- for the 4 who vetoed the trade- I am calling you the biggest pussies I've ever come accross. I am calling you pussies right to your face. If your face were in front of me right now, I would spit in it, then bitch-slap you three times. I would then take both your girlfriend and your sister home, dress them up like Janet and Chrissie from Three's
Company, and sodomize them while I watched "American Psycho".
-To the rest of the league- I bid you all good day!
_________________________________________________________________________
The Aftermath:
One dude actually came forward and admitted it. While I do give him props for this initially- the reason he gave for vetoing the trade put my opinion of him right back in the gutter. He said that he vetoed trade because, basically, his team sucked and because of that he didnt want anyone else, esp if they were ahead of him in standings, to be able to make any moves either. This is the most dishonorable move I have ever seen- well, that someone actually admitted to. What makes it even more ludicrous is that this kid's team was terrible! He was toward bottom of league. Stopping moves from anyone ahead of him meant stopping pretty much ANY team in league from making moves. He is a shitty GM who can't do shit right, so others have to suffer is basically what that came down to.
Luckily, this story has a happy ending...so far. I made playoffs luckily. To make my playoff birth even sweeter, I crushed this douchebag week 13 to get into the playoffs. That made my disappointment from the trade go down a little smoother. he is still a douchebag, and If I ever meet him in person I will tell him so- but, for now, I have playoffs to get ready for!
Thanks for checking us out! If this site isn't your bag, baby- I hope that someday you do find your "Online Happy Place"
Posts
No comments:
Post a Comment