The New Urban Dollar Menu

McDonald's Restaurants, forever changing their marketing strategy and altering their menu in hopes of attracting new clientele, has decided to revamp the popular dollar menu. 

They conducted in-depth market research in many urban areas and found that the people there were sick of the double cheeseburger and 6 piece nuggets.  "Shit's Weak!" many urbanites would say when asked about the current dollar menu.  "My grandmother eats the double cheeseburgers, they make her shit", and "I give the double-cheeseburgers to my dog, he likes to wipe his ass with them.", are common responses the market research reps heard when interviewing neighborhood children who frequent their local McDonalds.  Because of these bad reviews, and also because McDonalds is always on the cutting edge of the industry in terms of menu development and finding new ways to get people in the restaurant, the McBiologists have gotten together with the McChefs and the McSanitation Workers to Concoct a new dollar menu which would meet the high standards of the Special Needs Children from the Section 7 Housing Developments in Detroit, Newark and Utica. 

After months of research, and multiple delays caused by, in order:  The biologists getting swine flu, the Chefs getting Salmonella, and the Sanitation Workers getting wasted every night and calling into work the next day for 3 weeks straight, the menu is finally completed!  So, without further ado, I am proud to present to you McDonald's New and Improved Dollar Menu.

The McGangbang- Enjoy the delicious taste of a double-cheeseburger AND a McChicken in one Delicious Sandwich.  The McChicken Sandwich is placed in the middle of a McDouble between the two meat patties.  The crown is covered with marijuana seeds.  Both the meat and the chicken are doused in Barbecue sauce.  For extra flavor, the burgers are pan-seared in a succulent combination of I Can't Believe It's Not Butter, Hawaiian Punch, and Malt Liquor.  The chicken patty is taken from the rump of a chicken that died of AIDS to make it extra spicy.  It's called the McGangBang because the two meat patties ganged up on the Chicken patty and brought it back to their place to have some dirty fun.  This sandwich is also available with cheese, in which case you simply tell the person taking your order that you want the McGang w/ a Yeast Infection!  It's only a buck, and you bet it will be worth every penny. 

The McGangbang- Mmmmm

The Super McGangbang- It's a fuller, more complete version of the McGangbang, that includes representatives from all four food groups. Stacked on top of the second meat patty is a handful of delicious McDonald's french fries.

The Super McGangbang- Are you ready to be violated?

The McGangrape-  This succulent, appetite fulfilling sandwich consists of the same two meat patties from its sister sandwich the McGangBang, except instead of chicken there is an Apple Pie placed in the middle. The sandwich is served with hot fudge and placed on Wonder Bread.  It's called the McGangbang because the Apple Pie does NOT want to be there.  You can also get cheese  on this sandwich, in which case its called a McDeadBitch, because if a girl has a yeast infection all over her rapists' legs, it's a safe bet they will kill her.

The McOrgy-  This is the Cadillac of $1 sandwiches.  It encompasses all of your favorite McDonald's Products in one tasty sandwich.  It's served on a Big Mac bun, with 1 meat patty and a chicken patty on the bottom layer, and 1 meat patty and an apple pie on the bottom layer.  Served with tomatoes, lettuce, hot fudge and mayo.  If you're a real swinger, and want the ultimate party in your mouth, you can have delicious frozen yogurt pumped on top of each layer of the sandwich for only $.50 more!  Mmmmm.  With that much excitement in your mouth, who needs a money shot?

The McNecro-  This pioneer food item is the first item in McDonald's new venture into Surf & Turf.  It consists of a regular meat patty, and a fish sandwich.  This high class, gourmet sandwichproduces a very different, cutting edge taste that is sure to please you whether you grew up on a park bench in Compton, an abandoned factory in Jersey, or even the Piers of Boston.  It is marketed with the other sandwiches because, after you eat this sandwich, you will feel like you just got Gangraped!  The taste is INTENSE!!  You can get cheese on this item as well, you just need to fill out a waiver form ahead of time.  It only takes a few minutes, though. 

Stay tuned, as more items will be released for your consumption in the near future!

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Surgeon Generals Warning:  Eating these foods is not only hazardous to your health, but it will shorten your lifespan by 30 minutes for every bite.  Compare that to cigarettes, which shorten your time on Earth by a mere 7 minutes.  It is highly recommended you take out a life insurance policy and verify your Health Insurance Company received your monthly premium the month you are going to indulge in this Heart Attack waiting to happen.  These sandwiches have been known to cause rectal cancer in dairy cows.  Also, 3 rats spontaneously combusted after eating just a few bites.  2 more rats turned lost all their fur and their genitals fell off.  Use caution when eating. 

A Message from the ATF:  These sandwiches are highly potent in alcohol.  Three bites will get a rhino shit-faced.  Please have access to medical assistance when consuming one, in case you have a mishap.

A Message from the DEC:  These sandwiches are extremely radioactive.  The patties can be used in nuclear warheads.  Also, when nuclear reactors are low on plutonium, the military uses these sandwiches as a substitute for plutonium because they have the same atomic weight.  If you drop one of these sandwiches on the ground, they will burn through whatever they fall on top of.  Basically, if you drop one on the ground, it will fly out of the ground in China in mere minutes.  The mere smell of these items puts holes in the Ozone, which is why McDonalds is required to serve them in metal, leak proof capsules- the same containers used for nuclear waste.