It All Started with Mickey!

I hate mice!! I am terrified of them, like a little girl. I am embarrassed to say it, but when I see a mouse in my place, I freak out. I have never had to worry about this...until yesterday.

I was chilling out in my room on my computer, when I saw a shadow underneath my bedroom door. I stared at this shadow and watched as it crawled underneath the door. I thought it was a huge bug or something, until I saw it come out on my side of the door. It was a mouse! I watched in horror as it ran right in front of me and then criss-crossed my room. I lost it somewhere behind my desk. This freaked me out.  I am TERRIFIED of mice!  It was late at night, and no grocery store was open. Not to mention I was broke and could not afford mouse traps. So, I decided to improvise. It was a sight to see, let me tell you. I walked around my whole house, looking for shit to kill the rat. I actually picked up random household cleaners to see if they were poisonous. Eventually, I decided on Soft Scrub with Bleach. Like a mad scientist, I took the Soft Scrub and a paper towel, and mixed it in with some peanut butter and a slice of American Cheese (I hear they like that). I actually laughed like Dr. Evil as I blended the shit together, thinking it would fool the mouse. I placed it on my kitchen floor, and then waited. Not believing the soft scrub would do the job, I then proceeded to, and I’m not making this up, lift my legs up onto the countertops so I was straddling them on either side. I used the fridge as a brace with one hand. In the other, I held a bottle of bleach, waiting to pour it on that mouse when he ate my concoction. I stayed in this position for almost an hour (Hey, I’m dedicated). There I was, perched there between the counters, holding a bottle of bleach, ready to kill. Yeah, I’m sure that’s how they did it in 'Nam. The mouse never came. I left my gourmet meal out and went to bed… Or so I thought.

I could not fall asleep, knowing a mouse was in there with me. I stayed up until 5:30 AM, terrified. A 30 year old, 240 pound man scared of a mouse, it was sad. I was supposed to work in the morning at 9, but I called in. For the first time in my life, I called in to a job because I could not wake up and I was not even hung over. Holy Christ, I am a pussy! I woke up bright and early today, at 3 PM, and went immediately to Wal-Mart. I spent the Gross National Product of 48 countries on Mouse Traps, and placed them strategically around my place. I hid them like it was some kind of Easter Egg Hunt. I can’t even remember where all of them are. For the next ten years, future tenants will be finding mouse traps in the most random places. I think I even put some in the shower. My bed is surrounded by a moat of Snap traps! I have the sticky floor traps all over the place. This better work, as I can’t physically leave my computer now, as I am surrounded. I am gonna have to pull a Spiderman to get to my bed. Wish me luck everyone!!!