Guess Who's Back, Bitches!

Okay, ive been laying low for a long ass time. Why? cuz I actually have a life now, I dont need to check my myspace 6 times a day to see if I have any messages. Not to mention myspace sucks ass nowadays. If I had a nickel everytime some whore with a live nude cam show asked me to be her friend, I'd have a shitload of nickels! Like enough mickels to fill up EVERY sock Ive lost in the laundry throughout my whole life and equip the entire US Armed Forces with them so they can use them in their waterboarding tactics on the evil-doers.I have realized lately that I have severe anxiety problems. I get nervous all the time for no apparent reason. Like the other day, I was sweating big-time waiting to find out the results of a test. This wouldn't be so weird except it was a pregnancy test. For those keeping track at home, it turns out I’m not pregnant...just really fat! Seriously, I get nervous alot. I don’t’ know why. All this excessive gas builds up in my stomach whenever I’m nervous. To get it out, I either have to fart or burp. I can burp the hebrew alphabet in one breath. I need to go to the doctor about that. Anyway, I continue my "Dont call it a comeback, Ive been here for years!" Stand-up tour June 9th at Caroline's on Broadway in NYC. Hopefully it will go better than last time, when I totally lost my train of though half-way through my set. I recovered nice, but I seriously think all the drugs I did in college have affected my memory permanently. Your probably thinking "We all did drugs in college, we're all not retarded." Well I think you are. Anyways, you should check it out.