I have a potty mouth!

One of my favorite things to do in this world is to take a shit! Isn’t it the worst feeling in the world when you are home alone, taking a shit, and you reach to grab the tp only to find out you don’t have any? Doesn’t that suck?!You pull your fucking pants up to your taint and have to waddle to find something to wipe with, and it’s always something rough, like paper towels. I’d rather wipe my ass with sandpaper! Luckily, I live with my family, so I just do what any other self-respecting person would do..I clench my asshole closed tight, pull my pants up, and waddle over to the hamper, where I pick up a pair of my brothers socks to use. Don’t worry though, I’m not that big of an asshole...I always put them back in his drawer when I’m done! 

I also hate when the phone rings or some shit. You gotta cram like 3 pounds of tp into your asshole to act as a cork so you can go answer the phone. It looks like you have hemmorhoids as that wad sticks out the back of your pants. Speaking of shitting, how do blind people know when they are done wiping? Do they have to sniff the toilet paper? That’s gotta be rough. Does their shit spell anything in braille?

I can’t get off this toilet talk. Did you ever wait in line for the bathroom at a concert or during half-time at a game or something and notice that, no matter how many people are in line, the kiddie urinal never gets a customer? You look around and see guys holding their crotch, waiting to piss, glancing over at the kiddie urinal every few seconds, like in their head they are trying to think of a way they can use it without looking like a complete jackass? Then, just when they figure out a way, a fucking midget walks right up to it and takes a squirt. I have never seen a midget pee in a urinal, its something every guy should do before he dies, just like going to Vegas, riding in an 18-wheeler, or being part of a threesome! If you see it happening blow me up, ill be there faster than you can say teenie weenie!