This One's Disturbing!

People who should be shot:

Those assholes at gym who proceed to fill up a fucking whole container of water in front of you. They don’t let you go ahead, they just stand there filling their jug while you are behind them, cotton mouthed and dying of dehydration.  Also,the fucking losers who order sandwiches at fast food restaurants with no pickle. Seriously, why cant they take it off themselves, I mean, at least for health reasons. Do they really want some high school dropout, pimple faced, shower once a week, smelling of vomit, nose picking, pimple popping, no hand washing freak to touch their food any longer than necessary. Because they don’t make the sandwich fresh, they just take a cheeseburger they already made and unwrap it, then take pickle off. I hope all these people get salmonella and die!

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Chain letter senders. I wish instant death on whoever sends me a chain letter. Does not matter if it’s an acquaintance, a mortal enemy, or my mom. These assholes should keep the letters to themselves. There are 5 kinds of chain letters...

1. Another type will go something like this: For every person who you send this chain letter to, we will donate $.28 so Pulaar Mishnovic, who lives in War-torn Whodafuckcareslavakia, and is suffering from rare and deadly 
diseases, poor scores on final exams, boils on her vagina, extreme virginity, fear of 
being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution, and guilt for not 
forwarding out 50 billion fucking chain letters, can get a new Liver. If you don't forward this letter, you will turn into a pile of manure and die. Fuck that Bitch! Let her die. I'm the alcoholic, I'm the one that needs the new liver!

2. This is Bill Gates, for every person you pass this on to I will send you $2.89 (that’s enough for a happy meal). We are tracking this email with high tech tracking system made of used condoms and vegetable oil. It counts how many people get this letter! The check will come in the mail in 8 days. Are you fucking kidding me? Don’t you think he has better things to do, and spend his time and money on, than count how many fucking assholes annoy their friends with that bullshit? Not to mention there is NO possible way anyone can keep track of this shit.

3. Love letter. If you don’t pass this on you will have bad luck in love for the next 8 years, and your dick will feel like it was dipped in Tabasco Sauce every time you get a hard-on. You will get genital warts....on your face and will suffer anal leakage anytime you see Ryan Seacrest on TV. Wow, that's a bit harsh. Too bad I have already had bad luck in love for going on 28 years now, and have never sent a chain letter, unless my mom had her womb plugged into a PC when I was in her belly. The Ryan Seacrest thing scares me a little, but I am willing to risk it, cuz I just refuse to be a pawn to this nonsense.

The chain letters I hate the most, however, are the ones that say "make a wish and scroll down and your wish will come true". Well, I wished death on every asshole that sent one of those to me, and, unfortunately, they are all still alive, sending me more fucking chain letters. They try and make you feel guilty if you don’t send it on, like your a bad person, and, because of you, some poor boy with no arms and no legs with a breast growing out of his forehead and a bullhorn implanted in his ass, will die. Honestly, if I had no arms, no legs and a bullhorn stuck up my ass I would wanna die anyway. So, I look at it like im doing him a favor.

...and now, for my favorite one!

5. This letter has been going on for over 2000 years. Adam and Eve, who wrote it on a bamboo stick, started it. Adam shoved it up his ass and shit it out just before God killed him. His shit was eaten by a three-legged Wooly Mammoth right before he got onto Noah’s Ark. The bamboo stick fell off the Ark onto a mountaintop, where it remained until Moses found it when he was waiting for God to finish the Ten Commandments. Moses picked up the bamboo stick and used it as a cane down the mountain. When Moses saw the villagers worshipping the idol, he beat 10 of them to death with the bamboo stick, then he threw the stick at the idol, impaling it into the Calf's ass.

Thinking it would look good in his front yard when they eventually reached Canaan, a villager brought the calf bamboo stick along for the rest of the journey. Not wanting to wait for Moses to part the Red Sea, this Villager put the bamboo stick in his mouth and crossed the Red Sea by foot. He used the bamboo stick as a breathing mechanism. Once across, he traded the Calf and the Bamboo Stock for a primitive blow-up doll made of balsa wood at a local flea market. The stick was then sold to a Wise man, who brought it to Bethlehem where it was used to hold up the manger where Jesus was born. The manger was falling apart, as Joseph was a terrible carpenter. It's a wonder why Jesus stopped being one, his father trained him poorly! Good thing that Messiah thing worked out! Anyway, when the Romans repossessed the manger because Joseph couldn't pay the bills, the bamboo stick was ripped off by a Roman Soldier, who used it to sexually satisfy his horse. It travelled, from village to village, being used as everything from a a weapon to a cooking tool to a stripper's pole. Thousands of years later, US President Bill Clinton was on a trip to Israel to try and score some weed. Before paying, his Israeli dealer offered Bill the bamboo stick to use as a pipe to test the weed. Bill noticed the inscription on it, and knew he should bring it back to the US. When he got back, he gave the bamboo stick to Al Gore, who, as we all know, invented the internet. It was then that a group of semi-retarded monkeys transcribed the letter from the bamboo stalk into MS Word. Gore then had his secretary, Ms. Bubbles Rottencrotch, place it online and send it to everyone one the White House Distribution List. It's been going on ever since. Please don’t break the chain. If you don’t send this on to 6000 people in the next 14 seconds your penis will shrivel up and invert itself into your crotch, never to pop out again. You will get gangrene and never have any luck in love again. You will never even get so much as a blowjob from an Electrolux vacuum.

That is a TRUE STORY OF HOW THE FIRST CHAIN LETTER CAME TO BE!!

Telemarketers. I actually love telemarketers. I fuck with them all the time. If they ask if I want to buy something, I ask if they take stolen credit cards, food stamps, and monopoly money. Or I start speaking in tongues. Pretending someone is beating the shit out of you when you are on the phone is pretty fun too. I don’t care how broke I am, I will never reduce myself to becoming a telemarketer. I'd sooner sell my penis.

PC fucks. Fuck them. I don’t care if it’s not a stewardess anymore, or a flight attendant, or an airline customer service associate. When I puke in that little brown bag and all over the freak sitting next to me, they still have to clean it up, no matter what they are called. All PC terms do is make someone seem more important than they are. Ill get into this in a later message

And finally, why is it so bad to say the word GOD anymore. I mean, kids don’t even say the pledge of allegiance anymore. It says ONE NATION UNDER GOD. What’s the big deal, every religion has a god. It doesn’t say ONE NATION, UNDER JESUS CHRIST, SON OF GOD, BORN TO MARY AND JOSEPH THROUGH THE IMMACULATE CONCEPTION, and ATTENDED BY THE THREE WISEMEN. That would take all of first period to say. They say it’s unconstitutional. OK, smartass... money has IN GOD WE TRUST ON IT. Does that mean money is unconstitutional. Can I go in a store with three marbles and a piece of lint in my pocket and buy a plasma TV, saying I don’t believe in money because I’m not catholic? I don’t think so, stop being so fucking hypocritical and such pussies. Why is the world like this now?

OK enough venting for now, hope you liked it and got a good laugh. Subscribe to this blog if you wanna hear more about how twisted my mind is. later

If you liked this 1, check out my posts ranting about  RACISM AND DODGEBALL or those FAGS who take their shirt off for their FB picture.                    

To read a hilarious Ode to Chain Letters,  CLICK HERE.