Alfred (God I Miss) U

Like a great writer, you don’t really miss Alfred until it’s over. All the good times, all the memories. Just like that, they're gone forever. As soon as you put your gown on for the first/last time you realize you will never again relive all the good times you had, as hard as you try. The five-day weekends...

The triple crown toilets- As disturbing as it is, sometimes when I take a shit, I wish there were two fat guys taking shits next to me, no wall separating us, passing a bowl back and forth as we blew ass. I’ll miss it, just like I’ll miss Sember and his fanny pack- that fag. Chilling out on tar beach with a beer, pissing in the sump during parties. Watching Man hands and Darkie attempt to piss in the sump…. priceless I tell you. Never again will we be able to stand on the bench in the bar room dancing to “Foxy Lady”. Never again will I be able to do the worm at THETA stock or stumble down the street on Hot Dog Day weekend. I will greatly miss passing out hanging out my doorway, puke dangling off my face after throwing up off the fire escape. Brian joints are a thing of the past. All the walks of shame after taking some unsuspecting freshman home and sodomizing them. Dirty whore nights are gone, never to be repeated. Never again will I smoke two ounces of weed in one sitting (for health reasons), or split four blunts between five people up in Morrison. It wasn’t just about the partying though. It was about meeting some of the best friends you’ll ever have. Hanging out with them every waking minute for four years. Now I’ll be lucky if I see them once a year. It was about playing Bond for hours every day while we got high, or just to kill time. It was about my pledge bro’s and me playing Mario Kart so much our thumbs hurt. DC, Tommy, Jimmy, Zanghi and I. When we got sick of Mario Kart we challenged each other to see who could get the most yards With Barry Sanders in a game on Super Tecmo Bowl, a title I hold by the way (over 1000). So much I miss. Sember and his fanny pack will not be soon forgotten. We ate like kings in college. Uni-pies or the BIG UGLY chopped some years off my life. So did the infamous Heart Attack Sandwiches after a night of drinking. What time is it? Fuck Miller time, its Breakfast Sandwich O’clock. Next time I put someone in the sump, or whale them with water I can get arrested. If I ever yell MAGGOTT again people will call an exterminator. I won’t find anymore “Dimes” around like Compton or Ricchetti. I miss it all, the rat in barn, the cunt’s bathroom. Charter members and date, the CREED (Both of which I still know).All the good times I had. Every time I hear Sabbath I think of the house. All the trips to Coudersport for grain, then mixing equal portions of fruit punch and alcohol. Finishing it by the time we got back to Alfred. The trip to Punxatawney was memorable for so many ways, only Z knows. The times you laugh about every now and then and always bring a smile to your face. Falling asleep to Rage Against the Machine (Another one for you Zanghi), buttering Bill (Tommy you asshole, you still did not smoke even after I did that), all the threesome’s and dirty business that went down. The craziest fight ever on Halloween when a big fat yellow M&M broke his hand on someone’s face (Not every day you see the Hamburglar, French fries, a big Mac, M&M, Zorro, Robin Hood and The New Year’s Baby fighting back to back).All we can do is make new memories whenever we get together. One of the best sights in the world is when I used to go back to Alfred as alum and seeing the football field. This means I was almost there. The infamous Buffalo adventure, and skinny-dipping at Cooke’s wedding. Phil and his naked hand stand. Fucking priceless! But, most of all, I miss…..Sember and his fucking fanny pack!!