Ladies, I have a foolproof way to know if a guy is full of shit when it comes to his sexual prowess...read on.
The saying is a man with big feet is well endowed...I am here to tell you, that saying is completely BS. As a big-footed American (I wear size 14-15, depending on brand), I can tell you foot size has nothing to do with how deep into the urinal a Man's penis dangles. Dr. Banner, as I call him when he's not angry (You wouldn't like him when he's angry), brushes against the urinal cakes whenever I piss, but that's just because God blessed me, not because I have big shoes. Not every male is like me, though, so, ladies, if you are ever curious how to determine the length of a prospective suitors 5th appendage, I will tell you.
In what is being described as the most significant breakthrough in science since it was discovered cow flatulence is the cause of Global Warming, a group of very bored, sexually frustrated scientists have comprised a formula which can calculate the size of a man's poke stick to within a fraction of a millimeter (or inch, if you're a Metric fan). This formula is based on the complicated mathematical equation used by the NFL to determine QB rating.
To calculate: Start with Number of inches he says it is, then roll the dice...
Subtract whatever number it shows
+ number of times he shakes while peeing
+ length of taint (in inches)
+ (age lost their virginity/hot scale his sister/mother/hottest cousin is)
*favorited websites on laptop which are porn URLs/3.14 (Pi)
+ # Clint Eastwood movies in their DVD collection/# times they have squatted to pee
* # Chuck Norris jokes known + number of players they can name on their favorite NFL team
(If they don't like football, substitute with circumference of their vagina + age when they came out of closet).
Take resulting number and +1 for every women they've bedded
- (times they've gotten their ass kicked/issues of Good Housekeeping in their place)
+ 1 each for # of beers it takes to get them drunk
* by # times arrested.
-4 for every time they've watched "The View", "Desperate Housewives" or any Meg Ryan movie
/# minutes you've heard them talk about their feelings
+ # tattoos/piercings (Double if they did any themselves, Quadruple if they did any themselves with a ball-point Bic Pen).
Add this number to the Model Year Corvette they own/dream of owning/# bastard kids
+ (income/age(in dog years)
- STD's they have/had.
+Age when they looked at their first Playboy (cancelled out if they read any of the articles).
...Finally, take this number, then grab a ruler and...measure the length of his dick. Whatever the ruler says is the length.
**Remember, size isn't everything! However, color is. Green, unlike a stoplight, does not mean Go. Dont believe him if he says its cuz he's Irish. It may mean a long hospital stay in a quarantined area if you touch it.
Its almost too easy!
The saying is a man with big feet is well endowed...I am here to tell you, that saying is completely BS. As a big-footed American (I wear size 14-15, depending on brand), I can tell you foot size has nothing to do with how deep into the urinal a Man's penis dangles. Dr. Banner, as I call him when he's not angry (You wouldn't like him when he's angry), brushes against the urinal cakes whenever I piss, but that's just because God blessed me, not because I have big shoes. Not every male is like me, though, so, ladies, if you are ever curious how to determine the length of a prospective suitors 5th appendage, I will tell you.
In what is being described as the most significant breakthrough in science since it was discovered cow flatulence is the cause of Global Warming, a group of very bored, sexually frustrated scientists have comprised a formula which can calculate the size of a man's poke stick to within a fraction of a millimeter (or inch, if you're a Metric fan). This formula is based on the complicated mathematical equation used by the NFL to determine QB rating.
To calculate: Start with Number of inches he says it is, then roll the dice...
Subtract whatever number it shows
+ number of times he shakes while peeing
+ length of taint (in inches)
+ (age lost their virginity/hot scale his sister/mother/hottest cousin is)
*favorited websites on laptop which are porn URLs/3.14 (Pi)
+ # Clint Eastwood movies in their DVD collection/# times they have squatted to pee
* # Chuck Norris jokes known + number of players they can name on their favorite NFL team
(If they don't like football, substitute with circumference of their vagina + age when they came out of closet).
Take resulting number and +1 for every women they've bedded
- (times they've gotten their ass kicked/issues of Good Housekeeping in their place)
+ 1 each for # of beers it takes to get them drunk
* by # times arrested.
-4 for every time they've watched "The View", "Desperate Housewives" or any Meg Ryan movie
/# minutes you've heard them talk about their feelings
+ # tattoos/piercings (Double if they did any themselves, Quadruple if they did any themselves with a ball-point Bic Pen).
Add this number to the Model Year Corvette they own/dream of owning/# bastard kids
+ (income/age(in dog years)
- STD's they have/had.
+Age when they looked at their first Playboy (cancelled out if they read any of the articles).
...Finally, take this number, then grab a ruler and...measure the length of his dick. Whatever the ruler says is the length.
**Remember, size isn't everything! However, color is. Green, unlike a stoplight, does not mean Go. Dont believe him if he says its cuz he's Irish. It may mean a long hospital stay in a quarantined area if you touch it.
Its almost too easy!
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