You Wouldn’t Like Him When He’s Angry!

Guys are simple creatures. We like steak, football and blow jobs, preferably at the same time. Belching and scratching ourselves are amongst our favorite pastimes, as is looking at cleavage and telling dick and fart jokes. To guys, a really smelly fart is a way of stating your dominance within a group- it used to be beating someone's ass, but that results in a lawsuit most of the time in today's world. They can't sue you for doing a bodily function...yet. 

Another fact about guys is we like to name things- and I'm not talking about just our kids. To many guys- me included, naming something makes it more personal to us, and therefore closer to our heart. We name everything important to us if its practical:  our pets, our cars, our appliances, our tools...our blow up dolls that we keep under our bed (hypothetically). The most important thing we name though, and the thing which is most dear to us, is a body part- our most important body part - a body part that gives us more joy in life than all our appliances, pets, tools and blow-up dolls combined! I am, of course, talking about our penis. 

Most guys I know name their penises. The one's who don't should be ashamed of themselves! Failure to personalize your most important appendage is like entrusting y our life and good times to a stranger. You think a stranger gives a shit about your good fortunes? You think they care how you perform in bed? I mean, your pushing the poor guy head-first (no pun intended) repeatedly into a moist, wet; sometimes disease-infested cave...repeatedly, for long periods of time- sometimes hours, with no rest, not even a cigarette break.  For this uncomfortable and sometimes painful journey (for him, not you), he is either- 

A.) Forced to wear a rubber body suit which no doubt suffocates him and makes him wish bodily harm on you, his tormentor

or 

B.) Give him nothing at all to wear, putting him in harm's way every time he is forced into the woman's body. This treatment is torture far worse than is seen even at the worst Mexican prison. 

This is a big favor to ask of someone or something of whom you don’t even know their name. Ever hang out with someone a bunch of times yet you still don’t know their name? After 4 or 5 times you’re beyond the point where you can ask it. Isn’t this embarrassing? Well, how embarrassing do you think it would be if you knew something your whole life yet didn’t even know what to call it? Contrary to popular belief, a penis doesn’t like being referred to as “a dick”, “a prick” or “a cock”- amongst other names! These words are considered derogatory when you refer to a person as being one. Why should fallaces not mind being called these names? They are just as derogatory to them. Even more so! A white dude wouldn’t get offended if you called him the N word because he knows you were joking. A black person, however, would get pissed off if you called them the N word. This is because they are black, so the word “nigger” hits a nerve with them. Similarly, a penis is the male reproductive organ, so being referred to as a cock would rightfully get them heated. 

If a penis is mad, it will want to piss you off, too. This is why men sometimes have sexual mishaps such as premature ejaculation, failing to get hard and getting it in the wrong hole, to name a few. This is the fallace getting even for it’s landlord abusing them verbally all those years!

No wonder I have back problems!

With that being said, I proudly claim that I name my penis. What that name is depends on the state of my little guy at that time. Most of the time his name is Bruce- Bruce Banner. Bruce is small and keeps a very neat appearance. He is-very un-be-cumming and quiet- just does his job and rarely angers you- except for occasionally spilling on your pants. Though he does get pissed 3-4 times every day, if not more- he just lets it out all in one session, then he's done. You never hear about what made him get pissed ever again after that. In short, Bruce Banner is a model penis...except for when he gets angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry!

On these occasions when Bruce gets excited, he changes into a HUGE monster.  I refer to this man-eating beast as The Incredible Hulk! The Hulk isn't pretty to look at. He is large, bulging and very angry! Sometimes he gets so raging mad that he will almost burst through my pants. He refuses to calm down until at all until I find him a girl to violate. If there is no girl around, he makes me please him myself!    When I do, instead of thanking me afterwards, he just throws up on me!   The Hulk is an maniacal, angry (one- eyed) monster; a monster that causes suffering and ear-piercing shrieks of pain to everyone he meets. I can't control him at all, which is why I'm glad I don't have to deal with him all the time.  

 

I have survived thousands of attacks by this monster and lived to tell the tale. I write this post as a plea to females around the globe. PLEASE, WHATEVER YOU DO….DO NOT MAKE BRUCE ANGRY! Sure, The Hulk will give you the fuck of 10 lifetimes; causing your voice to permanently go up  2 octaves; straightenaing your spine out in the process, but the pain he will unleash on your body will cancel out any joy he may provide. The physical damage your body will be subjected to will cause so much damage that you won’t be able to walk right (if at all) for 2 months. You will be in and out of the hospital so much over that time due to your body breaking down that you will be dropped by your Health Insurance Provider.  The image of Hulk jack-hammering into you will be the subject of nightmares until your dying day.  Due to the intense trauma inflicted, the pain he delivers on you that night will remain fresh in your head and cause many episodes of hysteria and will make cold-sweating a common nightly activity of yours. Please, for once in your life, listen to reason!!!  He has traumatized too many people already. I beg you – Please let me be the last! He is my problem, let me deal with it.  There is already too much pain in this world. Thank you!

Now that you know the importance of naming your penis, you should read THIS POST- which focuses on the practice of giving names to the 2 nutty neighbors who share a banana hammock with the more well-known, but no more important penis.  Without them, the dick is useless!  It's time they get their do as well!