There's a New Sheriff in Town

There's a new sheriff in town when it comes to protecting our planet from Evil Doers.  After The Man of Steel became the Man of Steel Wheelchair, no one ever stepped up to fill the role as Savior of the Earth. Now that Supe-a-lupe not just in a wheelchair, but rotting in a coffin 6 feet underground, I worry that the Planet is ripe for a takeover. Lex Luther, those 3 crazy weirdos from Superman 3 or maybe even the wild whores who paralyzed the beloved Superman might be planning to attack us! Since I don't look forward to being anyone's slave (unless the word "sex" is in front of it) and since I am currently unemployed, I figured this would be a good time to switch my career focus from Teaching into a profession with a better retention rate and a much more self-gratification- SUPERHERO!!!!

I have always wanted to be one, but I just always had something else going on... oh, and I have absolutely no superpowers either- I get winded going up 2 flights of stairs, I am easily terrified and my idea of exercise is beating off while I shovel Pringles into my mouth. If Superman was the Man of Steel I was the Man of Veal...or the Man of Steely Dan.

Lucky for me, the Superhero industry is a seller's market. Almost anyone can step in at this point- we don't even need to have any superpower, ability...or even any useful skill. I think most people just want someone to fill the open "World Savior and Guardian" role so they have a name to give to any would-be world dominators who may knock on their door in the future. I don't really know how to protect the Earth; nor anything else for that matter. My plan is to just claim ignorance and hope I don't get fired. If I am ever called for an emergency, I'll just say my alarm didn't go off or my cell phone died, or maybe that I was stuck in traffic. Those excuses always worked at my other jobs.

Anyway, I have no superhero work experience so I made a quick Demo DVD to let Earth HR know what I am all about (or what I want them to think I am all about). I have no idea where to send it, but I read that Earth HR moved their HQ to the North Pole after Santa's workshop was foreclosed on. While I can't confirm this, it does make sense because elves make excellent clerical workers. It also seems logical for the planet's HR to be at North Pole because its very freezing & HR people love frigid weather- that's why their hearts are so cold. Also, the North Pole is very isolated so no one will ever want to visit them, which means people are  clueless to what goes on in Santa's little world. Similarly, no one ever wants to visit HR, and, often, HR people are clueless asvto what goes on in the the rest of their companies world.  How could HR not be at North Pole?

Until I find out for sure I'll post my Demo DVD here for you guys to enjoy.